CALGARY GOES COWBOY

Nicole Sgarbossa

What do you get when you throw a herd of horny, wannabe cowboys and cowgirls into a small area for ten days?  Why, you get the Stampede--Calgary’s number one tourist attraction and what they boast is “the greatest outdoor show on earth.” This year’s cowpoke showdown began on July 4th and ran until the 14th, and was, like previous years, ten days of “yahoos” and pure debauchery.

When the Stampede first began in 1912, it started out as a traditional festival where the people ofCalgary could display their roots and traditions for the rest of the world. What began as a wholesome showcase of local tradition has turned into one of the craziest parties in Canada. People come from all over the world for the chance to sqeeze themselves into a pair of Wranglers, some boots, and party like real cowboys never could.

A lot of people wonder what could possibly be the thrill of dressing in country duds and watching men battle cows. For most, the excitement of the Stampede is rooted in the constant parties. The infamous and aptly named Cowboys is one of Calgary’s largest bars and is host to some of the craziest parties the Stampede has to offer. Not only does Cowboys offer patrons line-dancing hour and hoards of beer, they’re also known for their celebrity guests, with the likes of Prince Harry and Brody Jenner getting in on the action. Possibly the best part of Cowboys is the fact that they treat their employees right--by offering all the ladies surgically enhanced cleavage if they remain on staff for at least a year. 

If you are not looking to get belligerently drunk and line-dance at Cowboys, you might want to venture on over to the actual Stampede grounds, where after paying $13 to enter, you can find an assortment of activities. In typical festival fashion there are rides, games, and the crazy carnies that suggest you spend all your money winning a cheap, sweat-shop manufactured stuffed animal. There are also the rodeo and chuck wagon races, but beware: only attend if you can handle the sight of baby cow being lassoed by a burly cowboy. If none of these sound interesting you could check out the nightly stage show and fireworks, or you could clog your arteries with some of the fried, battered, and carb-rich food that is sure to please even the biggest cynics.